Goblomancer GLOG Wizard
Wizardry is the discipline of scholars, of the sharpened mind, requiring mental discipline beyond the reaches of the layman - or so the wizards say.
Perhaps the strongest argument against the nature of wizardry as some form of higher art is the existence of the goblomancer. Goblomancers "study" magical systems that benefit from their idiocy and filth, which are disconcertingly similar to and compatible with the Distinguished Art of the High Arcane, Discipline of the Scholarly and Sagacious Wizard. This is a matter of great annoyance to the wise and snooty sages of the world.
Boon: You can make essentially anything into a spellbook, and can use a pictographic system for storing spells (convenient, as you probably can't really read). You gain an additional magic dice that cannot be combined with MD from any other source. This MD is a 1d4 and is kept only on a 1-2, but can be regained by spending 1 minute wallowing in filth, which also ends any non-instantaneous effects from spells casting using this MD.
Drawback: You must be a goblin. If you are not a goblin, you become one when you become a goblomancer. Additionally, you require some kind of status symbol as a wizard - robes, a hat, a wand - distinguishing you. If you don't, you can't cast spells (barring using your cantrips) until you don one for at least 1 minutes (if you are shapeshifted or something, that counts - you just can't pass for a basic goblin).
Cantrips:
- You can bite as a dagger, and suffer no ill effects from things eaten, tasted, or bitten unless they would be acutely deadly (lava, razor blades, etc., but not spoiled meat or most toxic substances (very few poisons actually kill quickly)). This allows you to use rotten or spoiled meat as rations.
- You can talk to gross vermin, including goblins. By digging around in your pockets for 1d6 rounds, you can find a rat or weird mole or big beetle or something.
- You can understand writing (including magical writing) by licking it (you get the gist of it, at least) (this doesn't count as reading it for symbols and such). If you lick someone's tongue, you can understand their speech for 10 minutes. For some reason, nobody wants to let you lick their tongue.
Mishaps:
- MD only return to your pool on a 1-2 for 24 hours.
- Take 1d6 damage.
- Random mutation for 1d6 rounds, then save. Permanent if you fail.
- You become temporarily aware and sensitive to your own filth, halving your speed and imposing disadvantage on all checks to notice things for 1d6 rounds.
- Your inventory gets filled with 1d6 slots of trash, starting with free slots. You can shed trash from quick slots freely, or 1d6 slots as an action.
- You are flung 1d6x10 feet in a random direction. The fall or impact does not damage you or what you crash in to.
Dooms:
- For the next 24 hours, all manufactured equipment is trash for you. Armor provides half the benefit, weapons deal 1 step less damage, shields parry 1 step less damage, and tools, alchemical items, and other complex items (such as scrolls, wands, or alchemical devices) have a 2-in-6 chance of failing you in any given round. Simple equipment (such as ropes, bedrolls, and poles) will still function, it'll just be gross and janky. Gear that is already trash is unaffected (including your filthy wizard accoutrements and nasty spellbook).
- As the first, but 3 days.
- As the first, but forever.
Spells
1. Unstable Missiles
R: 200 feet || T: 1 creature (splittable) || D: instant
The target takes [sum + dice] damage. On a mishap or doom, all dice involved in this mishap or doom target the caster for half the total damage instead of any other effect.
2: Trash
R: 100 feet || T: spaces, containers, or creatures || D: instant
You conjure [dice + sum] slots of useless trash and refuse within range. These can be summoned into creature's inventories, filling their open quick slots first. Excessive trash can be discarded freely from a quick slot, or 1d6 slots as an action. Alternatively, a slot of trash can render a single square difficult terrain.
3. Sneaky Stabby
R: 20 feet || T: up to [sum] creatures || D: [10 x sum] minutes (sustain)
For the duration, the creatures get +[dice] sneak attack damage and +[dice] on stealth. This sneak attack damage also applies against creatures in difficult terrain. When affecting multiple creatures, the duration is evenly divided among all targets.
4: Fart Smella
R: 60 feet || T: [dice] creatures || D: 1 minute
An awful stench fills the nostrils of the target(s). As an action, a target can wretch, vomit, and gag to check CON to end the effect. Until it succeeds, it has disadvantage on checks that active concentration (including attacks, but not including checks to end this spell or most checks the resist or evade harm) and can't be a Smart Fella (it can't take actions requiring extraordinary mental focus or acuity, including casting spells).
Creatures that are truly infused with filth - such as goblins, ghouls, and plague rats - are immune to this spell, as are creatures without a sense of smell, such as skeletons and golems.
At 4+ [dice], if only targeting a single creature, the effects of the spell become permanent, and a successful CON check only suppresses it for 1 minute.
5: Refuge of Refuse
R: 30 feet || T: [dice] creatures or inanimate objects || D: instant
Trash surrounds the targets of the spell, protecting them from harm but reducing their movement speed to 0 (other actions, as well as forms of movement independent of their movement speed, are unnaffected). The trash has [sum] health, which is applied against incoming physical attacks. The trapped creatures can escape by damaging the trash (they can automatically hit it) or with a successful strength or dexterity check.
As long as this spell targets only allied creatures, it can be cast as a reaction.
6. Goblizzard
R: 100 ft || T: [10 x dice] ft radius || D: [sum] rounds
For the duration, cold, wet trash rains down on the area. The area is difficult terrain, vision is obscured beyond 5 feet, and creatures within take [dice] cold damage each round. The trash (and difficult terrain) remains after the spell is cast.
When you cast this spell with 2+ [dice], you can designate up to [dice] creatures to be protected from the spell's damage and difficult terrain for the duration (the lingering difficult terrain effects them normally).
7. Patheticate
R: 30 ft || T: 1 creature (splittable) || D: [2 x sum] rounds The target must check CHA. If it is undamaged, it gets +2. If it is bloodied, it gets -2. If it fails, it believes itself to be pathetic for the duration. It flees or hides from all danger, and does not attempt to attack creatures.
At 4+ [dice], the spell is permanent.
8. Ratify
T: 1 creature (splittable) R: 30ft D: [sum] minutes (D)
The target may check CON. If it fails or chooses not to, it takes the form of an ugly rat for the duration. In rat form, it takes double damage, has armor as chain, and can bite for 1d3 damage. Its gear is also transformed. You may grant the target the ability to dismiss the spell itself, but if you do, you may no longer dismiss it.
At 2/3/4/5 [dice], you may increase the duration to up to [sum] hours/days/years/aeons.
9. Barghest
R: self || D: 1 hour
For the duration, you gain the ability the turn into a mean looking wolf (twice as fast as a man, handles natural cold pretty well, scent, bites for 1d8) or back as an action. Your gear is also transformed. Additionally, your natural toughness increases: leather at 1 [dice], chain at 2 [dice], and plate at 3+ [dice].
10. Summon Goblin
R: 30 feet (splittable) || T: refuse, fleshbits, or trash || D: 1 hour
You shape the target into a goblin with [dice] HD and [sum] HD. It is lazy and cowardly, but must obey your explicit commands. If you have some sort of cauldron or pit full of garbage and muck (typically weighing at least 6 slots if it is portable, not counting any garbage and muck) to raise the goblin from, it gets an additional [dice] HP, the duration is increased to 8 hours, and it a bit less lazy and cowardly.
11. Gobball
T: [5 x dice] ft radius || R: 100 feet || D: instant, then concentration
You hock a booger from your nose, which grows midflight into a writhing mess of goblins that punch, tear, and kick in a frenzy. Any creature within the area of impact takes [half sum, rounded up] damage, but may check DEX to move out of the area and avoid it. Each round past the first, you may direct it to move 1d6x5 feet in a direction of your choice. Any creatures caught in it or entering it take [dice] damage and is made absolutely filthy. The goblins are densely packed and obscure vision, and creatures smaller than a hill giant move at quarter speed through the melee.
The mess of goblins has [sum + dice] health, is automatically hit by attacks, but takes half damage from individually targeted effects (including most weapon attacks). Abilities such as cleave allow the attacker to deal full damage (in place of bonus attacks). If an effect forcibly disperses the goblins (such as a powerful wind), the effect ends and the goblins vanish.
12. Raise Goblin
T: 1 corpse or fleshbit || R: touch || D: instant
This spell takes 1 hour to cast. You resurrect a creature as a goblin. It has no hit points and 12 fatigue, which it recovers from at a rate of 3 per full day of rest. The total of its HD, full days it's been dead, and prior attempts to raise it with this spell (successful or no) cannot exceed [sum]. If it has been a goblin for either its entire existence or a full year, the limit is instead [sum + dice].
It retains its mind, ability scores, HD or levels, knowledge, and skills, but has a goblin's physiology and its mindset will slowly shift towards a goblin mindset, though strong personalities may try to fight this effect (though multiple resurrections make it far harder). It gains Goblin as an additional language.